I hate...

how I always have to clear up your messes.
the way you try and defend yourself.
how I'm always right and you're wrong (and it's true).
it that I listen for your name.
how hard you try.
your lack of judgement.
how you don't try.
the way you brush it off.
how I am the next best thing.
that you're so goddam fucking stubborn.
how I can't do anything with your easy words.
that I can't not care (not even when I try).
how you never see the need to apologise.
it that I want to belong.
the way I hate
you.

***

Hope... hope is the worst. - "Monk"

Karma coma.

Slogging through the report at 3.04 in the morning the day it's due, and I'm moving sooo slowly I'll tell you why. I watched SVU and TBJ from 8.30-10.30pm earlier, then came back to the com and worked for a bit... then paused to shower, and a bit later when my Monk episode finished downloading I took another break to watch it. And now I'm taking a breather to blog, mostly because if I try and lengthen my paragraph on my career goals for the short and medium terms one more time I'm going to go nuts.

I mean, I mostly have an idea as to where and what I'm going to do with my career henceforth, but to actually have to write it down as a paper with a stipulated word count and be graded for it is just taking all the fun and inspiration out of it. There's really only so much you can say without repeating yourself endlessly in 3000 words, yanno? I can't even begin to imagine the final report at the end of the semester (it's 5000 words or so), although I think it might be just marginally better since you talk about things you've actually done (and not just idle speculation).

Anyway, I realise I binge a lot (more than usual, anyway) when working on an assignment. I've had:

- Caramel and truffle tim tams
- Jack & Jill potato chips
- Nuggets
- Fries
- Cream soda
- Licorice
- Preserved plums
- Kinder choc

... all in the period that I've been sitting in front of my laptop. Now I feel terribly sluggish and wanting desperately to nap, but I guess it's back to my damn career goals and self evaluation.

***

In a dreamy garret
I am keeping my late autumn love for you

Shades of grey.

Tired and worn out from (just 2 hours of) school. My 100-107 tut is sooo super slack (and borderline boring were it not for my being able to just rattle off something regardless of the topic/country - it's nice being informed that way ;p) that today's the first time we ended at 3.55pm (instead of 4.15pm when it's actually supposed to) - and that's the latest we've ever gone since the semester has started. Last week I was off by 3.15pm...

I guess I can't really complain since it's not like I've ever particularly been the mugger or studious type, but I'd like to at least touch on some of the relevant questions posed in the reader/notes that don't have to do with some aspect of Psychology (the tutor's doing her doctorate in Psych, see). I mean, what does anorexia have to do with the Asian-Pacific media, much less that in India, aside from a really general influence? The Dalit have much more to worry about than anorexia, imo...

***

In other news, work has slowly been getting better, and I actually quite like going in. I've got a new boss, one who's way nicer and reminds me strangely of Rose. I like her, and I think the feeling's mutual. I'm on a break this week because of the thing on Friday (mentioned below), but am due in again on Monday, and if it's possible I'd definitely like to stick with her for good.

Have a 3000-word career/project plan due Friday, and I've yet to begin... granted, it's not exactly something that requires a whole lot of research (in terms of books, anyway), so I think it shouldn't really be an issue when I finally get off my ass to start it. [Editor's note: Boy did this come back to bite me in the ass...]

We've also finally (note underline + bold + italics) booked the flights for our upcoming (and eagerly anticipated) Sydney trip. I swear it's the only thing keeping me going til then... my darling Krispy Kremes, here I come. <3 Now if only the dumb hotel thing works out.

Also, if there's any concrete proof that sex sells, Jessica Simpson is it. As PCB puts it, her "These Boots (are made for walking)" music video is like how "friggin slut(ty)" la!? But I swear there was absolutely jaw-dropping silence in the cinema when it played earlier... I mean, I was pretty transfixed myself... not like I was staring... or oggling... or anything. I still think she's too skinny for her own good, though.

Part of life is having dreams. They feed the soul.

***

Cause your love's the killin' kind.

"Killin' Kind" - Shelby Lynne

Introspective.

When the heart
Is cut or cracked or broken
Do not clutch it
Let the wound lie open

Let the wind
From the good old sea blow in
To bathe the wound with salt
And let it sting

Let a stray dog lick it
Let a bird lean in the hole and sing
A single song like a tiny bell
Let it ring

Touch and go.

It was absofuckingfreezing today after class (reportedly the coldest winter day this year thus far - it snowed in the outskirts!), so thank god for both Edward and my gigantic bomber jacket that I so happened to decide to lug along in the backseat. What would I do without my car?

It's 2am on Thursday morning, and I'm due to be up for work in 5.5 hours (when 8 is clearly hardly even enough these days). Yay me.

***

The first day of work was pretty boring, all told. I basically sat around all day in front of a Mac (ugg) word-processing and researching some statistical stuff for the Accounts director, which I finished way before 5.30pm rolled around. I had so much time to walk around to the toilet and to and fro from his room (busy guy was always on the phone) and getting coffee from the kitchen, since there was really nothing else planned for me to do today aside from that project.

But really just about everyone else seems as slack, if not even more so, with nothing (certainly less than you'd think) to do but idle the hours away. You can't believe the amount of snack/stretch breaks these people take. There's not a single time when someone isn't munching some sort of biscuit or chocolate or salad or another, and if I really wanted to I could have just excused myself to "get some air" or sandwich outside halfway through the day. The people there are a mixed bunch. I spent the entire day not knowing some of their names (nor did they volunteer or acknowledge my presence, but eh, no biggie), while some of the nicer ones simply waltzed up to me to say hi and introduce themselves. R is still so pretty, and despite her absolute tardiness with regard to getting in touch with me, I can't help the occasional blush that colours my cheeks when talking to her.

***

You and I got something but it's all and then it's nothing to me.

"Here Is Gone" - Goo Goo Dolls

Ca va tres bien, et toi?

Edward makes me so, so happy. I drove home from class today in the midst of a ridiculously heavy downpour and frantic people scurrying for shelter, with Kissing A Fool blasting as I turned the bend past Flinders and watched the puddles spray as I rolled over them with a strange lightness in my heart. They say despite the numerous other cars you might go through after, you never forget your first car. He's not exactly mine-mine, but he's mine now, and that's all that matters. I didn't think I would at first, but the truth is I'll miss darling Ed when I have to go (or when the uncle takes him back, whichever comes first).

So R finally called back, and I'm apparently due in at work at 845am on Thursday. It's probably going to kill me getting up and there on time, but despite all my whining and griping and irritation about the entire fiasco I'm actually both nervous and excited as to what the day will bring. Watch this space for updates.

We miss you, A.

***

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

In the dark I can hear you whisper
Shadows still, move across the distance

What did you say, it's okay
Did you miss me

You know at times I wondered
If you ever thought of me
And I wondered if you wanted to be free
Like me, and I needed to feel you
And I wondered
Did you miss me baby

Liars and saints.

If I thought that my disillusionment with the whole Ozzie culture up til now was merely a figment of my overdemanding persnickety nature, the whole internship fiasco has only served to cement that initial irk into near hatred. According to curriculum, I'm supposed to begin my internship this week; at least on Thursday, if not on Monday as well, following the "commencing after 2/8/05" stipulation. Not only have I not been in at all this week, I have had no reply whatsoever with regard to my many many many attempts to contact her, whether by phone or email.

It's not as if I emailed the day before leaving no time for a response, or that I am terribly impatient beyond reason, but come on. I'm not in the least expecting to be fawned over in a haste to "recruit" me, and I'm sure it must be hellava lot of a hassle for a firm to take on an intern, but it's now the third time that I've been left hanging as to when exactly I'm supposed to come in, what I'm supposed to do, and all that basic prep stuff that just about everyone has gotten out of the way. Heck, people have already started work this week, and I'm still floundering as to WHEN. (Editor's note: It's now the 7th and next Monday rolls around the corner with still no word. Yeah. Surprise.)

I'm pissed as hell, and I'm not going to be able to disguise that very well come the time when she actually does decide to contact me. Granted, she probably feels the same by now, so I guess there'll be a very interesting working relationship to unfold.

***

Another of those brainless gush/drool posts. Watching an old SVU rerun right now, and Blondie is like how hot la!? If Law & Order were an accurate representation of real life (and it isn't), there must surely be something in the criteria by which ADAs are hired that stipulates a prerequisite hawtness. See:



Angie Harmon; L&O



Elizabeth Rohm; L&O



Aaand my awesome Stephanie March in SVU. Must-see tv (aka hermit) night has officially extended to include both Wednesdays and Thursdays. <3 Don't say I didn't warn you.

***

"Do you know why I became a lawyer, Alex?"
"Uh... to see your face on tv?"

- "Fallacy", SVU S4:21

Little impulse.



Create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands

Pretty cool, huh? But they're missing several obvious places like Hongkong and Scotland (or is that part of the UK?). There's also the US version if any of you feel like charting that out. Apparently I'm not quite the globe-trotter I thought I was!

[Eh, the image seems to be too big for my centre table. I've been toying for a while now with the idea of building a new blog layout. Oui? Non?]

***

But often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about
The magic that was you and me

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
Others only read of the love,
The love that I love

"You And I Both" - Jason Mraz

Thanks to PCB for the revival!