Going Under.

WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!?!!?!?!!?!

the jealousy rages
a seething
green-eyed beast
waiting;
yearning to be
unleashed.

I can't live with or without you.

I've tried, and I can't.

Fuck off, Elle. Just fuck the hell off.

***

That was the worst of it.
She spoilt me for everyone else in the world,
then said I had to get along without her.

Wicked games.

Are there grounds to feel so utterly shitty about something that you really ought to be utterly, entirely indifferent towards? Wtf..? More importantly, why do I even care so obsessively (jealously?) much?! It's not as if we actually know each other... the absurdity kills. -_- @#^$!%@^$@*&.

I think I need a break. Immerse myself in palpable things that have something real to show for at the end of 2 silly whole years. 3 days, a week... who knows? And even then I'll wonder if I'm missed.

It shouldn't even matter a third as much.

Obsessed. Over something... completely... fictitious.

...

Need therapy.

***

CNY sucks ass. Slightly better than expected (which really isn't saying much), but still rather shitty.

Why do people insist on holding mandatory gatherings when they're so obviously obligatory?

24 hours of visiting, and absolutely nothing to show for it emotionally.

Is it just me?

***

Don't be aroused
By my confession
Unless you don't give a good goddamn about redemption
I know Christ is coming
And so am I
You would too, if the sexy devil caught your eye

"REV 22:20" - Puscifer

All fear eats the soul.

The reason I live is to worship you. Kinda sad, no? Just occured to me today while sitting in church with a fucking stuffed nose [sinus - which I firmly believe is an indirect, if not direct result of waking up so goddamed (pun not intended, honest!) early without sufficient rest], not to mention being grouchy and all. It's just... I don't know, seems as if the human race (or at least this particular group of them) is backtracking. Not making progress. Un-advancing. (What is that word I'm looking for?! -_-) Or is that the whole point of it? Being subservient and punified just so you can have a superior being with whom to feel "protected" and to (God's Will...) base all your hopes/dreams on?

Once in a while you think you have something really worthwhile and substantial to say... but it doesn't quite come through.

***

She�s not the kind of girl
That likes to tell the world
About the way she feels
About herself

"The Trick Is To Keep Breathing" - Garbage