The Cabriolet - Momus

We leave the party at two or three
You hitch a lift
In my Cabriolet
And though it's misty I'm just too tired
(Or too lazy)
To close the soft top
And I don't stop you when you curl your body, cold in your little black mini
And hold it against me.

All night I've been flirting with everyone except you
How you explain my failure
To find you as attractive as everyone else seems to
I just don't know.

But there's wind in our hair and drink in our systems
Breaking the ordinary inhibitions
And on the cassette some Louisiana Creole music
You decide you want a cigarette.

And though it only takes a second to demonstrate the gadget in the dash
I miss the black and white chevrons of the steep bend warning
And there's the sound of something smashing
Then nothing beneath the tyres of the Cabriolet.

In the sudden shock of silence, with the morning star above us
Lying bizarre in the wreck of my car
Maybe I'm drunk or hallucinating
Maybe this isn't happening
Maybe you aren't lying there with tears in your little party dress
At the waist and the breast

Because in real life I was never this aroused by you
I was never this impressed
Your face unharmed, unstained but drained pale
Is suddenly more strange and beautiful
Than anything I've ever seen or ever will.

Bathed in the light of the morning star I see someone
I never took the trouble to know, someone
I only now begin to feel I could love or make love to
I'm moved and aroused to see you in this strange new way.

In the starlight filtering
Through the myriad fragments
Of the freshly shattered windscreen
of my Cabriolet.

In the sudden shock of silence,
With the morning star above us
Lying bizarre in the wreck of my car,

I love you.

***

Momus is... absolutely, fascinating.

In your world I have no meaning
Though I'm trying hard to understand;
And it's my heart that's breaking
Down this long distance line tonight.

"Missing You" - Tommy Page

First official day of school, wasn't half bad considering there was only one lect. S'good to be back, really. Got bored back in flogging-land, what with having to go out and socialize all the time when all I really wanted was to stay at home and slack, OR spend some quality time with self. Meh. So I'm weird... deal with it.

Highlight of entire 5-week trip back home -- picnic with Piggy on board a cable car (yes, Sentosa!). :> Drama-fest at the airport was pretty non-existent this time 'round. I shamefully admit to the odd bout of momentary despair halfway through the flight though. *shrug*

Uncle might be coming back to stay for good. We're looking at no internet, heater, privacy, phone, late nights, dog. Kill me. No really, do it.

Cat's back. Was fun, but its getting a trifle weird. Tired.

***

The warm hollow of your bed
A place where you once rested
Is away.

"Away" - Unknown

[Furiously copied from Tony's office wall and so missed the poet's name...]

The Guitar Lesson - Momus

The pupil is twelve; attractive, withdrawn
In a midnight blue school uniform
Lips just a little too full for her face
Distant eyes full of space
In her posture no trace of coquette
No defiance.

She fingers the frets looking forlorn
Crossing her legs where her tights have been torn
Starts as her mother comes into the room
The afternoon grows still
And her mother feels chill
Shivers and buttons her coat.

I gently correct the curve of her back
And open her book in the now-empty flat
At the classical piece I've had her prepare
Her arms are bare as she plays
And I draw back behind her ear
A few strands of hair gone astray.

She shows me her bracelet, the lesson is done
I turn it around between finger and thumb
We sit face to face and it seems to me that
Her face the face of a cat
And touching the place where her breasts will be
I press my hand flat.

She comes into my lap, I turn her around
Her hands clasp my neck and her feet skim the ground
Her skirt travels up under my palm
But the pupil sits looking so calm
As if listening to the distant sound
Of a burglar alarm.

What happened next it's hard to recall
The guitar lesson left no traces at all
Now, from afar, it seems to resemble
A strange composition in oil
Of a man, a guitar, and an innocent little girl.

Gutterflower.

Bro's birthday yesterday. NYDC at Suntec, stuffed silly. Came to the conclusion that there's a valid reason why they're named a DESSERT caf�. Simply put, I make better pasta than that.

Went for the Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life Gala thingy after at Beach with Piggy. Place was seriously packed save for two seats, which just happened to be beside us. We've got cooties! Movie was oookay... better than the first, definitely. But still a little lame at times. What's up with the tree monsters man?! AJ still rocks big time though. :>

A (accidentally-on-purpose) called the other day. Weird, in a nutshell.

3 days. Absolutely refused to go out today and Friday, which leaves me with... Thursday. Sorry guys, I need some quality alone time with myself and the folks (respectively). 5 weeks in total seems rather insignificant now. What have I been up to all this while???

***

You and I got something
But its all and then its nothing to me.

"Here Is Gone" - Goo Goo Dolls

Delusions of Morality.

Finished Lucky cover-to-cover in slightly less than a day. Riveting. Those books they say are page-turners that you "can't put down"? Sebold's second novel is one of them.

Read with vindication the responses to the whole debate on Gay employment within the Government. "The decision to hire a person for a key goverment position should NOT be influenced by their sexual orientation. Among other things, what is important are their sense of integrity, intelligence and honesty." (Catherine Lim, The Straits Times p22, Friday June 18, 2003)

Being gay has absolutely *NOTHING* to do morality. Does it mean that a straight person is deemed indefinitely superior to one who is gay in terms of his capability, ideals or "moral values"? So a straight person makes better judgements where issues of morality are concerned?

Homosexuals are equally capable of kindness and honesty, in addition to intelligence AND morality (whatever "morality" is taken to mean or implicitly denote), contrary to popular belief. It doesn't mean that just because one is sexually inclined towards members of the same sex, they lack the other aspects that constitute a human being.

And to set the record straight, it has been medically proven that homosexuality *IS* to a large percentage genetic (as anyone who has ever studied Psychology or Medicine will know), and NOT neccessarily a result of "homes without father figures, sexually abused backgrounds, OR (the most ridiculous assertion I've heard by far) being addicted to pornography". What are you, stupid?

(And, how is it a "sin against God" when one is genetically *programmed* that way... by presumably, God himself? And, gasp... "in His likeness"?)

***

That question continues to haunt me. After telling the hard
facts to anyone from lover to friend, I have changed in their
eyes. Often it is awe or admiration, sometimes it is repulsion,
once or twice it has been fury hurled directly at me for reasons
I remain unsure of. Some men see it as a turn-on or a mission,
as if by sexualizing our relationship they can pull me back from
the wreckage of that day. Of course, their best efforts are
largely useless. No one can pull anyone back from anywhere.
You save yourself or you remain unsaved.

"Lucky" - Alice Sebold

Morning passages.

Spent the day at Piggy's yesterday. Got coerced into packing her table (@#$%!) for a nominal fee of dinner, as long as I paid for the movie and drinks. Caught T3 at Jubilee (don't ask) at last. It *wasn't* a B/C/D/E/F-grade movie... so there! Okay, maybe B+. But definitely WAY better than Hulk... which actually isn't saying much. TX is drop-dead! And she has a hhhh... size-22 waist. So much for someone saying she's ba-ba. :p

Went to the spanking-new AMK Library for a bit to kill time and browse, found All He Ever Wanted there! Unborrowed! *dances* Might have to do with location, coz all the copies were on loan at other libraries... heh. The last place you ever expect to find something, and you do. Have less than 2 weeks to finish it though. Was hoping to read it on the plane. Bought a buncha books at Thomson as well on Sunday, nifty book sale. Anita Shreve for $5! BUY! Thrashy romance novels with scintillating covers for E (I swear, not me!).

Ended up at the Night Safari for dinner, and it was pouring like there was no tomorrow. Got soaking wet trying to buy burgers from Bongo, and had to sit pathetically under the huge umbrellas while it continued pouring as we ate. Place brings back fond memories though. Too bad J's in Bintan now gallavanting away. Happening girl.

***

Listening to Keiko Matsui at full blast while lying in bed on a Thursday morning. How therapeutic is that? Finally a rest from having gone out consecutively for the past 4 days, and a well-deserved one at that. 9 more days to go. Anticipate the whole of next week to be jam-packed with events and such, people trying to squeeze in as much time as possible... argh. Even though its only been the important people so far (not a single "callafare" :p), it gets a bit tiring from time to time, yanno? Desperately yearning for quality time on my own. Being booked 3 times a week is... exhausting, really.

On a side note, getting rather sick of both Keth *AND* Amber. And Elle.

So not looking forward to school again.

***

The hurt inside is fading
This shit gone way too far
All this time I've been waiting
No I can not grieve anymore

For what's inside awaking
I'm done, I�m not a whore
You've taken everything and
Oh I cannot give anymore.

"Here To Stay" - Korn

You're the super-slacker!!
Homework?
What's that? Studying? Not in your vocabulary.
You hardly study and almost never do your work
and yet, by some divine intervention, you're
still surviving. And you come to school so un-
often, your teachers have pratically forgotten
that you even exist. Go, you slacker, you!!

Which Stereotypical Singaporean Student Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Heh. Can anyone even say biiiiingo? ;>

***

This time the dream's on me.

Slept much of the day. 6am to 12.30pm, and again from 2pm to 5.30pm. 10 hours in total (which really isn't all that much of a feat), but BOY, am I really tired now. How sad is it to suffer from *too* much sleep?

Stuck on a surprisingly catchy chinese oldie they were playing at Food Street. Its so Ella Fitz! Hung around the cheongsam shop with Piggy just so i could catch the entire ditty. And, download it the moment I got home. I feel almost reformed.

Finally started on OOTP. So far so good, 'cept Harry's whinings are starting to get totally... meh. Like, enough already. The next book's gonna be at least a 1000 pages at this rate.

Strawberry & choc muffins and apricot rolls to munch on courtesy of Piggy. Vast, vast improvement from the cookies, girl. :p

Exactly 2 weeks to go here in Flogging-land. Tick tock, tick.

***

It must've been love
But its over now.

"It Must Have Been Love" - Roxette

What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla

The Hours.

Major scare this morning (actually Thurs; tis Friday morn now) regarding them Autofic results... 18?! *faints* Waiting with bated breath for the ammendment, yay Tony. :>

Fooding spree today at Purvis and Chinatown (where else?), then back to Tea Chapter for... umm, tea. 2/3 of the packet still with me despite having drunk like mad to beat closing-time.

Reached a new level of understanding with Piggy today, or at least I *think* so. Talked about... things, in general; questions previously left unasked and unanswered in all our 5-going-on-6 years of friendship... goes to show you can never know too much about a person. There'll always be the tiny nuances that were (intentionally?) left out or perhaps innappropriate to discuss at one point in time, that no longer seem "taboo" at some later stage or another.

So who was it, really, 5 years ago? Honestly, I'll never know myself. Do we ever?

Such nostalgia.

***

Just beyond the fall of grace,
Behold that ever shining place.

"Far From Heaven" - Raymond Deagan

Firestarter.

Meh. BH at Zouk was lousy. Came to the enlightened conclusion that I'm way too old for this sorta thing, and that its time to leave it to the teenyboppers. Place was swarmed with people of all shapes and sizes, must've met at least 20 or so familiar faces. At least there was a bit of eye-candy though, and for ONCE, good R&B music. Had my first Flaming Lamborghini ever. Not bad, seriously... but price-wise, ouch. Can't afford it as a staple. Good entertainment though, as long as the straw don't burn. :p

Piggy stayed over on Sunday. Another first, in addition to the late night. Spent the day after baking weird potato & herb muffins (that really looked more like scones) and teacakes. Don't think I'll touch 'em though. *shudder* I got the umm, pseudo rubber cookies to deal with for now. (Sorry pig, but they're really bad...)

Watched Full Throttle the other day. Nothing fantastic, even though Demi Moore looks hot, hot, hot! Aye Caramba! Okayokay, so she paid for majority of it... but seriously, who cares? I don't. Waiting for T3. Let it be known that it is NOT a B/C/D/E/F-grade movie! *mutters* Or at least I hope so. Bent!'s sold out on the 25th. :( Sniffle. No play afterall.

On a side note, the new Blogger update's rather nifty.

***

If I wait for stormy skies
You won�t know the rain
From the tears in my eyes.

"Crying In The Rain" - A-Ha