Mimosa.

It makes you realise... that importance that you attribute, isn't returned. It was seriously hard to swallow, the hard reality of it.

Snippets from a convo with PCB. I think it pretty much summarizes what I have to say. I don't deal terribly well with rejection failed expectations in any form, and after all this time insisting that there were and are no expectations with this whole thing it's hit me with a sudden clarity. There'll always be SOME form of expectation regardless: even if it isn't about reciprocation, it's about the way you're to be let down gently. Anyway. I need my space for the timebeing, so if I'm distant it's the self-preservation genome speaking.

In other news, I'm currently back in flogging-land for the week before jetting off to Japan til Christmas. I realise there's been a huge post-thesis gap, and really, there's been heaps of stuff going on, but I haven't really had time to update. I'll try and get to that at some point; at least some of it seems worth a mention.

***

So I learn to live with shame
Tell myself I feel no pain
But I do
And if I have to tell you
Then it really doesn’t matter at all

"It Doesn't Really Matter" - George Michael