Ma petite amuse-bouche.
So the thesis is finally (finally) in, and truth be told the aftermath has been a bit lacklustre so far. It's more relief than anything else that I feel, and it's actually a little strange not having to work on it anymore given that near every day of the past 2 months has been (reluctantly) spent toiling on it. What is the world coming to?
***
I've come to the realisation that B and I shouldn't, and will never, embark on anything "official", for lack of a better word, and that things are perfect the way they currently are. That's the rub, really: The moment you actually have something, it completely ceases to be appealing in that same way it was before. Or maybe it's the whole commitment-obligation thing; doing something because you have to, rather than because you genuinely want to. That contrived "why didn't they call/text/check-in today" thing? Umm. No thanks.
[In the same vein of thought I actually think a lot of marriages work much the same way. Staying because you have to after you no longer feel that same spark you did before. Because of the kids. The house. The time you've invested thus far. Because, truth be told, it's all you have. That perfunctoriness... ugh.]
It's probably fair to say that your first experience shapes the way you go about everything else. I like to think of N as a catalyst to everyone (although "everything" would be a more accurate term) thereafter. Not that I regret anything about it, mind you, I actually think back on it quite fondly even now. I wouldn't say the experience was terribly life altering per se, but it definitely did skew my approach. And that's really not such a bad thing; I think I might actually like living with no strings attached. I haven't quite decided if this "happy as is" sentiment re: B stems from the strange dynamic between us (and what we both claim to want and not want), or from my simply not wanting a relationship per se, but either way... I'm really not complaining.
***
When it's all over I want you to know
I had the night of my life
So the thesis is finally (finally) in, and truth be told the aftermath has been a bit lacklustre so far. It's more relief than anything else that I feel, and it's actually a little strange not having to work on it anymore given that near every day of the past 2 months has been (reluctantly) spent toiling on it. What is the world coming to?
***
I've come to the realisation that B and I shouldn't, and will never, embark on anything "official", for lack of a better word, and that things are perfect the way they currently are. That's the rub, really: The moment you actually have something, it completely ceases to be appealing in that same way it was before. Or maybe it's the whole commitment-obligation thing; doing something because you have to, rather than because you genuinely want to. That contrived "why didn't they call/text/check-in today" thing? Umm. No thanks.
[In the same vein of thought I actually think a lot of marriages work much the same way. Staying because you have to after you no longer feel that same spark you did before. Because of the kids. The house. The time you've invested thus far. Because, truth be told, it's all you have. That perfunctoriness... ugh.]
It's probably fair to say that your first experience shapes the way you go about everything else. I like to think of N as a catalyst to everyone (although "everything" would be a more accurate term) thereafter. Not that I regret anything about it, mind you, I actually think back on it quite fondly even now. I wouldn't say the experience was terribly life altering per se, but it definitely did skew my approach. And that's really not such a bad thing; I think I might actually like living with no strings attached. I haven't quite decided if this "happy as is" sentiment re: B stems from the strange dynamic between us (and what we both claim to want and not want), or from my simply not wanting a relationship per se, but either way... I'm really not complaining.
***
When it's all over I want you to know
I had the night of my life
thus spoke Noelle at 11/25/2006 10:36:00 AM
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