The Poet Acts.

Is it possible to be in friendship limbo?

So I'm different from most others in the way I express my affection towards people.

I've been raised that way... I can't help it. And I'm sort of proud of it.

But why do I feel so goddam low beyond reprieve that I honestly forgot someone's birthday? I won't make any excuses for it, me and my half-assed memory... its bad enough that I already feel downright shitty, but I shouldn't be actively *made* to feel this way. Not in the least by someone I consider a... friend.

What *is* friendship about anyway? The amount of presents one gets on their birthdays? The amount of people one has on their icq/friendster/msn/whatever lists? The amount of testimonials you get from people never to be heard of again, who aren't even aware of anything that goes on in your lives (and not because you don't want to share, they're just not there), or the shallow 'how's things' when its so blatantly obvious that they aren't really all that interested in finding out?

Honestly, does a second present really make up for anything? It was a genuine mistake, one that I feel terribly remorseful about. But there shouldn't have to be a tinge of fear in it on my part if I'm really *supposed* to be a friend. Why am I made to feel so downright... filthy? I know despite the things you say, I'm going to have this rubbed in my face for years to come down the road, and not entirely in the way I would. But why?

I'm thankful for my few friends. You know who you guys are. But maybe its just wrong to be unconventional. Beneath it all, I'm just a softie plaintively trying to act tough so I don't get hurt.

I'm sorry for what happened yesterday, and I won't make it any more public than it need be. But I love you, too.

***

We go on hurting each other
Making each other cry
Hurting each other
Without ever knowing why

"Hurting Each Other" - The Carpenters